  Django Member Username: Django Post Number: 1618 Registered: 10-2003 |
Many of you know about my problem with "Hank" who was a neighbor that pulled his gun on me over a little argument. I got a lot of advice from many of you and truly appreciated it. I believe I also mentioned the kids in the hood who like throwing rocks at my house. I'm a white guy with a small ranch house that is more like a shack. My windows were boarded up when I bought the place. If I put windows in I have no doubt that they wouldn't last the week. I'm in an all black neighborhood. The kids here seem to hate me. Ive tried making friends, offering help fixing their bikes, Ive made offers to help out with car repairs. Ive got a garden going that anyone is welcome to help out with or harvest from. (my garden is not producing much though). On Saturday I was riding up to my house and saw a young boy of about 10 and a slightly older girl with him throwing rocks at my house. I rode up on them and I lost my cool. I yelled a bit, asked why they throw rocks at my house, explained I knew who they were and that I could be calling the cops. Today a group of kids were out front, no rocks thrown but they took off running like I was gonna come after them. I lost my cool Saturday, probably the worst thing I could have done when I confronted the boy and girl throwing rocks. I just don't know what to do. I want to be part of the neighborhood, Id like to have windows in my house at some point. I want these kids to know I'm not just some redneck trying just trying to get by in their territory. Suggestions please. Anyone,,, anyone? | ||
Andylinn Member Username: Andylinn Post Number: 972 Registered: 04-2006 |
i just wrote a response and when I clicked submit I got the "simultaneous posting by another member post" AGGGGHHH! I will rewrite it later. | ||
Foosie Member Username: Foosie Post Number: 13 Registered: 07-2008 |
Today a group of kids were out front, no rocks thrown but they took off running like I was gonna come after them. Congrats. Your balls have been reattached. Be friendly but in Detroit if you are weak you are toast. | ||
Lodgedodger Member Username: Lodgedodger Post Number: 323 Registered: 05-2008 |
Django, I know what you're going through. I'm not particularly well-liked in my neighborhood, either. I'm willing to bet our reasons are the same--we're different from the rest. I hate to hear of someone else going through the same sort of hurt. It can eat you alive. Since you cannot move, here are some ideas. They may sound corny, but after some time, it will work. You may never be friends, but I hope you can at least establish a truce. Here goes: Smile, smile a lot. Wave to people and smile. Even if you feel like ripping their faces off, smile. It doesn't need to reach your eyes. If they don't wave back, fine. Just keep waving and smiling. Kids selling candy or collecting pop bottles for fundraisers? Help 'em out. Sing. Just sing when you're outside. I know it sounds crazy...and I don't mean for you to sing arias, but singing denotes a cheerful disposition. Sing. Many of these kids hear screaming and swearing all day long. A couple of years ago, I had a melt-down in the middle of our street. It takes a lot for me to lose my temper, but lose my temper I did. My husband didn't know what to do with me. This guy and I were in a screaming match, then another neighborhood woman joined in. It was ugly. Some neighbor accused me of something I didn't do. I regret becoming so angry to this day. I also regret saying some of the things I did. But, we can't change the past. If anything, know you have people in your corner who have been through the same experiences. *big hug* | ||
Django Member Username: Django Post Number: 1623 Registered: 10-2003 |
Ive got balls, but I dont want them running off like Im out to get them. I want them to know Im here, Im not a bad guy, I dont hate them, and I could probably be an asset to them in some way. I can fix a bike or car. I can be a part of the hood without being black. | ||
Perfectgentleman Member Username: Perfectgentleman Post Number: 8436 Registered: 03-2006 |
quote: I can see that you WANT that to be true, but the folks in the hood don't seem to agree with you. Your best move is to get out. | ||
Foosie Member Username: Foosie Post Number: 14 Registered: 07-2008 |
Im not a bad guy, I dont hate them, and I could probably be an asset to them in some way. I can fix a bike or car. I can be a part of the hood without being black. Dude, there are some people who will hate you just because you're white. It's Detroit after all. Keep fixing up the house, have an excellent lawn(like mine) and some neighbors will begin to ask you how you do it. Be nice but make it clear you are not a pussy. Detroit is a bad-ass rough city. The weak get eaten. Start out by making friends with immediate neighbors. Shit, have them over for a barbeque. | ||
Django Member Username: Django Post Number: 1624 Registered: 10-2003 |
Thats not gonna happen PG. I get along with most everyone here, but the kids are just being kids. Im not gonna just pack up and leave because some kids are throwin some rocks. | ||
Chrissy_snow Member Username: Chrissy_snow Post Number: 72 Registered: 07-2008 |
Forgive me for not being familiar with your story - but why can't you move? That's what I would do if the situation were reversed. It's one thing for people to not like you, but when they are actively harassing you, that's just not worth the stress. I wouldn't even want to live around a bunch of people that didn't like me simply because of my race. How can you trust them at all? Leave them to their own devices. | ||
Retroit Member Username: Retroit Post Number: 351 Registered: 04-2008 |
How about buying some cans of spray paint and having all the neighbors over to paint graffiti all over your house? | ||
Wolverine Member Username: Wolverine Post Number: 570 Registered: 04-2004 |
Let me get this straight. Do you have boards on your windows? | ||
Lilpup Member Username: Lilpup Post Number: 4844 Registered: 06-2004 |
"explained I knew who they were and that I could be calling the cops" Don't threaten to call the cops - threaten to tell their parent(s) | ||
Jcole Member Username: Jcole Post Number: 3239 Registered: 04-2005 |
As far as I can tell from his story, he's not being harassed. Kids are throwing stones at his house. If all the neighbors that kids soaped windows, waxed windows, threw rocks, etc moved out, most neighborhoods would be in a constant state of flux. As long as the adults don't start shooting at him(other than the dude across the street), vandalizing his car and kidnapping his dog, he should be ok. Just maintain your cool with the grownups, and if you have to occasionally yell at a kid, do it, or go to the parents, and explain the situation. You'll be surprised at how much most parents want their kids to behave. | ||
Django Member Username: Django Post Number: 1625 Registered: 10-2003 |
Retroit, I recently got the artwork for my house that Ive wanted so I will not be needing any graffiti artists, Its actually an old vinyl Cuervo Tequila billboard, It just needs to be stretched and cut to fit. The artist of the piece is a friend, you all may have seen it on I75 near 6 mile. But thanks for your deep thoughts Retroit. Let me take a guess Retroit, Ill bet you wanted Tyrees Heidelberg project bulldozed. Am I right? Chrissy_, I dont want to move. I guess you would have to understand me and my story to know why Im here. Im not about to go into that here though. Im not looking for pity here, just some ideas on how to bring a neighborhood together. Like I said earlier, I fucked up when I lost my cool with the kids on Saturday, I should have calmly asked them why they throw the rocks and tried to start a conversation so they know who I am. That may have been a way into their heads and hearts. Im not about to move because some kids are throwin rocks at my house. Its not a major deal, like I said, Im just lookin for some advice, some insight. Maybe someone has had some similar exp. If all you have to say is "MOVE" save your fingertips and move on to another thread. | ||
Lefty2 Member Username: Lefty2 Post Number: 1655 Registered: 07-2007 |
Confront them talk to the parents. Buy a shotgun and point it at them if necessary for godsakes, don't take crap from anyone terrorizing your home or you may soon be a victim or worse dead. | ||
Grumpyoldlady Member Username: Grumpyoldlady Post Number: 196 Registered: 06-2005 |
How about just setting up the grill on the front yard and cooking some hot dogs? Have buns, ketchup, etc handy. Maybe some chips and lemonade. Start chowing down and ask any passing kids if they want a hot dog. If they do, just say "OK, as long as you won't throw rocks at my house". Might be a way to show you are a good guy. Also, I know of a house out in the country that is vacant and has boarded windows. Those boards have been creatively painted, and from a distance, and even fairly up close, it looks just like a house with lace curtains on the windows and a lamp on a table, etc. Very attractive and might deter the rock throwers a bit if it doesn't just look like an abandoned house. If you are artistic, those windows could be very realistic. Good luck! | ||
Django Member Username: Django Post Number: 1626 Registered: 10-2003 |
Wolverine. Yes I have no windows except the small one on my side door which was promptly broken out after I moved in. I moved into this small ranch house as is. The guy that used to live her neatly boarded the windows. He was not a very nice neighbor as far as I can tell. He was also white, and I have a feeling Im catching the wrath he created. Ive been telling some of the kids in the hood that I have nothing to do with Jim (the guy who used to live here). I hear he used to let his dogs out on the kids when they threw rocks. That was a funny story in itself. A month or so ago I approached a couple of kids as they were talking loudly about tearing up my garden. I went to make nice and the young one was saying how "Jim" would sic his dogs on them whenever they threw rocks at his house. The kid kind of checked himself after he realized what he had said. I ignored it and told him Im not that guy, I would be willing to help out showing them how to fix their bikes or cars, whatever. Later that evening one of the kids dropped off a bike in pieces. Its still laying in my house. Im willing to show them something but not about to pay for their parts. Im rambling Lilpup, your right about talking to their parents. Trouble is finding out where they live. I only know of one, and I plan on making a visit soon as I want their bike outta my house. | ||
Django Member Username: Django Post Number: 1627 Registered: 10-2003 |
I want you all to look at Grumpyoldladys advice. THATS what Im looking for. That is truly a good idea. Lefty, for sure I own a shotgun but Im not about to point it at some kids with rocks. Grumpy, Thank you. Im gonna do exactly as you suggested. Ill let you know, maybe you can stop by for a dog. Maybe Ill have a martini or two also. Why didnt I think of that? Maybe a block party could be done. | ||
Tkierpiec Member Username: Tkierpiec Post Number: 104 Registered: 03-2007 |
Sounds a little like the reception I get in my neighborhood - no rocks or anything being thrown at me but I've been called "stupid blonde b*tch" & other choice words for a year now and I'm tired of it. There is always a big group of neighborhood kids (about in the 10-12 age range, I am guessing) hanging out on the corner and I can't leave my building without them yelling insults to me. Yeah, kids will be kids and sticks and stones, blah blah blah. Still tired of it. Sorry, django, no real advice to offer but I share in your disappointment. | ||
Hamtragedy Member Username: Hamtragedy Post Number: 251 Registered: 10-2007 |
Django, I found a lawnmower in an abandoned garage. I spent the 40 bucks to get it fixed and gave it to the girls down the street so they could cut the people's grass who won't cut it themselves. The girls keep it my garage. I have two rules: 1) buy your own gas (it's kinda expensive); 2) if it breaks, please let me know so I can get it fixed so it can be used next time. Three summers in a row, and a couple trips to the shop (my expense) and the arrangement still works. | ||
Django Member Username: Django Post Number: 1629 Registered: 10-2003 |
Tki, Im wondering what neighborhood your in. I hear ya. What can you do. You gotta admit Grumpys advice was good though. Ham, nice, just nice. Wish I had you as a neighbor, even tough you probably wouldnt want my house in yours. LOL. Nicejob. | ||
Hamtragedy Member Username: Hamtragedy Post Number: 254 Registered: 10-2007 |
Double thickness glass my friend. For only 25 % more than single thickness. Mostek Paint & Glass in H-town or Schrieber Paint & Glass on E Warren, just your side of Outer Dr. | ||
Downtown_lady Member Username: Downtown_lady Post Number: 68 Registered: 08-2008 |
Hi Django: I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I believe that you’re on to something when you say that the children are associating you with the previous owner – they probably think you are his brother or cousin or something. This would be compounded by the fact that he had boarded up windows and they’re still boarded – I think external visual changes on the house would have signified to them subconsciously a new and different owner. Your story reminds me of the Broken Windows theory (but just a coincidence that your story involves broken windows, literally). from Wikipedia: “Fixing Broken Windows: Restoring Order and Reducing Crime in Our Communities by George L. Kelling and Catherine Coles is a criminology and urban sociology book published in 1996, about crime and strategies to contain or eliminate it from urban neighborhoods. The book is based on an article titled Broken Windows by James Q. Wilson and George L. Kelling, which appeared in the March 1982 edition of The Atlantic Monthly. The title comes from the following example: Consider a building with a few broken windows. If the windows are not repaired, the tendency is for vandals to break a few more windows. Eventually, they may even break into the building, and if it's unoccupied, perhaps become squatters or light fires inside. Or consider a sidewalk. Some litter accumulates. Soon, more litter accumulates. Eventually, people even start leaving bags of trash from take-out restaurants there or breaking into cars. A successful strategy for preventing vandalism, say the book's authors, is to fix the problems when they are small. Repair the broken windows within a short time, say, a day or a week, and the tendency is that vandals are much less likely to break more windows or do further damage. Clean up the sidewalk every day, and the tendency is for litter not to accumulate (or for the rate of littering to be much less). Problems do not escalate and thus respectable residents do not flee a neighborhood. The theory thus makes two major claims: that further petty crime and low-level anti-social behavior will be deterred, and that major crime will, as a result, be prevented.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B roken_windows I know that cost and common sense tell you not to put in new windows that will just be destroyed, but maybe putting in the new windows can be phase two, toward a permanent resolution, in line with the Broken Windows theory. To pave the way for phase two, phase one could be to just be exceedingly friendly, personable and non-threatening, even more so than you already have been previously. I really feel that the boarded up windows confuse the kids and having windows would be something they would understand. They may feel that if you don't respect your home, why should they? This is not to say that you not having windows equals not respecting your home; I understand that it is a matter of practicality and expense, but as kids they might not understand the underlying issues. In anticipation of the new windows being installed, perhaps also be sure to have home owners or renters insurance, in case something does happen to the new windows. It seems to be a Catch 22 with getting the new windows – if you get them, it could be bad because they may get broken. But if you don’t get them, it could be bad because your house will continue to stand out as different. I think that’s where a leap of faith comes in (getting the windows) along with advance preparation – trying to build a connection with the neighbors even more so than you already have, and getting insurance. I think if you build rapport with the kids, you may even want to mention that the new windows are being installed soon. If they see that you are genuinely excited about that and they've grown to like you, I think they would be much less likely to vandalize them. I know that the cost involved with getting new windows could make getting them a long-term goal, so perhaps just really focus on phase one for as long as you need to. Or do one window at a time as your budget allows, and keep spreading the goodwill in your neighborhood the whole time. Also, I understand your point about not wanting to fix the kid’s bike for him, when your offer was to show him how to fix it. I think the fact that you still have his bike parts in your house may be an issue though. Even though he was misguided in thinking you were going to fix it for him, he may have been excited at the prospect of it getting fixed, and those parts may be all he has in terms of a bike. The parts still being in your house may have led him to think that you just maliciously kept his bike – he may not have made the connection to the principle that you will not fix his bike for him. Do you know which kid the bike belongs to? I would try to strike up a conversation with him to tell him that you’re ready to show him how to fix it anytime he is. He may have been going around telling the other kids that you kept his bike, which of course was not what happened, but he’s just a kid so maybe he needs it explained to him. As for the suggestion above to “buy a shotgun and point it at them if necessary” – for the love of God, please don’t do that. They are just children. Django, have faith and be strong – you can do this. Please read the Wikipedia entry on Broken Windows – I think that would be a good place to start. Sincerely, Downtown Lady | ||
Royce Member Username: Royce Post Number: 2754 Registered: 07-2004 |
Well, hell, if they were throwing rocks at the house before you got there, they're just continuing the tradition now that you've arrived. Also, if the house looks abandoned, then I can see why the kids would use it for target practice. I'm curious though, where the hell are these kids getting the rocks? If your landscaping uses decorative rocks, then I would definitely remove them. One final thing that might keep the kids from hanging around your house is to use some strong/stinky fertilizer. No kid I know wants to hang around a place that stinks. Also, keep your grass watered as much as you can. If the grass is constantly wet, they're less likely to walk on it and hang around your house. If all else fails, just sit on your porch for several hours with a shotgun propped up against the porch railing and not say a word while drinking a six pack of beer. Once kids think that you've gone crazy, then they might stop harassing you.  | ||
Hamtragedy Member Username: Hamtragedy Post Number: 257 Registered: 10-2007 |
The local church fixed up a house behind me on Mackay in the urban prairie and installed this beautiful, multi-paned picture window (roughly 6' x 6') that faced the sun. The windows never got broken, at least not on that location. But they did manage to steal the entire thing. I like the idea of painting the boards. | ||
Perfectgentleman Member Username: Perfectgentleman Post Number: 8445 Registered: 03-2006 |
quote: Well, I am just saying this is the second time you have posted here about threats and vandalism. So I guess there are a few people you aren't getting along with which is not your fault. How much are you willing to put up with? Don't bother telling the parents, they probably don't give a shit and the kids will only retaliate even more. The fact is that Detroit is full of people that just don't give a shit so reasoning with them is not really going to be effective. The cops aren't going to do anything and if you threaten these kids it will be even worse for you. You are outnumbered. So if you insist on staying there I guess you will have to accept this to some extent. You said it yourself, you are in "their territory." That phrase speaks volumes in itself. If you ever figure out how to reason with these kids then you should offer your consulting services to the DPS as this is a huge problem in the classroom too. The bottom line is you are living an area where there is no rule of law and you have little recourse. You do so at your own peril. | ||
Rid0617 Member Username: Rid0617 Post Number: 255 Registered: 03-2008 |
Man, with this kind of hate being demonstrated to you no wonder Detroit can't get out of it's rut. Detroit will never start moving forward until people start accepting each other. Reminds me of Atlanta's slogan: The city too busy to hate. | ||
Flanders_field Member Username: Flanders_field Post Number: 850 Registered: 01-2008 |
IMO, you need to make some friends with a group of black people who do not necessarily live in your hood and invite them over for a BBQ on your porch for a day, do this several times for the rest of the warm weather, they should be able to tell you what the vibe is in your hood towards you and others if they are street-smart. A black person telling the hood rats to lay off is far more effective than if you did it by yourself or along with other "cracker" friends. (Message edited by Flanders_field on August 12, 2008) | ||
Django Member Username: Django Post Number: 1630 Registered: 10-2003 |
"Don't bother telling the parents, they probably don't give a shit and the kids will only retaliate even more" PG. I think that If I can find the parents or guardian, it might make a diff. I know where the kids who dropped off the bike lived. I just need to stop by and tell them that I have their bike,and that Ive also had problems with kids throwin rocks at my house. I happen to know that these two Ive dealt with live with their Grandmother, enough said. Downtown. Id like to take that leap of faith and put in a window or two. I need to make a little more headway before I do though. I may need some ghetto glass like the party stores have, Im not sure. I still love grumpys idea of havin a BBQ of sorts. Want to thank you all for the advice, although my shotgun will remain inside and only be brought out in dire circumstances. Im not going to try and out tough them, that would only be asking for more trouble. | ||
Barnesfoto Member Username: Barnesfoto Post Number: 5340 Registered: 10-2003 |
good thinking, they have infinitely more energy and time than you do. Unfortunately, you are the cheap entertainment for these kids. If you can't find some way to keep them busy, (does your neighbor down the street still have the summer camp?) there's gonna be more "let's go throw rocks at the white guy's house". I still think that you could sell your house as an "installation" to some sort of art collector or museum and go live somewhere else...Are you willing to deal with this every summer? |
