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Are We Going to War with Livonia?
"Are We Going to War with Livonia" is DetroitYES' most famous humor thread. What began as in inquiry of a military helicopter flying overhead evolved into a spoof of a war between Detroit and Livonia. Forum wags ran with it to create humorous story that was famously re-enacted [ala War of the Worlds] as a radio drama by WDET, Detroit's Public Radio station, in June 2008. |
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Blessyouboys
Member
Username: Blessyouboys
Post Number: 292
Registered: 07-2005
Posted From: 69.209.173.40
| | Posted on Sunday, March 05, 2006 - 2:40 pm: |    |
Looks like a Chinook helicopter just went over the house here in Oak Park.
-Heard it this morning too, woke me up.
Anyone know why? |
Wazootyman
Member
Username: Wazootyman
Post Number: 10
Registered: 02-2006
Posted From: 68.75.220.9
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 9:05 am: | |
Uhoh. |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5634
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 208.27.111.125
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 9:23 am: | |
Wazootyman, why do you hate Detroit?
There comes a time in a man's life when he is called to take a sand. Right vs. Wrong, Good vs. Evil.
Either you are with Us, or you are with the Suburbanites.
In this difficult time, it is imperative that Detroiters go about their everyday businesses. Go to the movies. Eat at a restaurant. Buy a car.
If you don't, then the Suburbanites win. |
Arc312
Member
Username: Arc312
Post Number: 8
Registered: 01-2006
Posted From: 141.218.245.169
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 11:17 am: | |
Oy Vey... |
Patrick
Member
Username: Patrick
Post Number: 3279
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 65.222.10.3
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 11:29 am: | |
I just saw one over Dequindre near Avon Road yesterday. |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5636
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 208.27.111.125
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 11:34 am: | |
The Suburbanites hate us because of our freedom. But you know what? Freedom isn't free. That's why Detroit has to dedicate such a high percentage of its budget to the military. Otherwise we'll be seeing Eastpointe tanks rolling down Woodward Avenue and we'll all be sleeping under the flag of Macomb County.
Do you want to see that happen? No, I don't think so.
God Bless Detroit. And nowhere else. |
Czar
Member
Username: Czar
Post Number: 2949
Registered: 11-2003
Posted From: 129.137.191.97
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 11:49 am: | |
Blame Detroit, excuse sprawl. |
Jjaba
Member
Username: Jjaba
Post Number: 3228
Registered: 11-2003
Posted From: 67.160.138.107
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 12:28 pm: | |
Itsjeff, a true Detroit patriot. Drives an American car, lives in the inner city, and works downtown.
Thanks, ***** General Itsjeff.
jjaba, Westsider. |
Ericdfan
Member
Username: Ericdfan
Post Number: 116
Registered: 08-2005
Posted From: 68.41.117.60
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 12:41 pm: | |
i guess you have to kill me cause I live in Dearborn Heights, right? |
Wazootyman
Member
Username: Wazootyman
Post Number: 11
Registered: 02-2006
Posted From: 68.75.220.9
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 12:47 pm: | |
Consider Livonia a pushover. If we ever tried to organize military defense it'd be laughable. |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5637
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 208.27.111.125
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 1:11 pm: | |
Wazootyman, your attemt to lull us into a false sense of security has failed. With God on our side, we will erase the Suburbanites and the stain of Suburbanism from the face of the planet!
HOO YA! |
Thnk2mch
Member
Username: Thnk2mch
Post Number: 38
Registered: 02-2006
Posted From: 67.38.87.62
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 1:12 pm: | |
I don't know about push over, Livonia can hold out for a long time with all the gear and supplies from the new Walmart if y'all can wait a while ! |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5638
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 208.27.111.125
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 1:25 pm: | |
You go to war with the discount chains that you have. |
Wazootyman
Member
Username: Wazootyman
Post Number: 12
Registered: 02-2006
Posted From: 68.75.220.9
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 1:36 pm: | |
To be serious for a moment, we do already have a Wal-Mart, which is actually one of the reasons I find the whole issue so ridiculous. It's just a mile up the road from the proposed development (at I-96 and Middlebelt instead of the proposed Plymouth and Middlebelt).
It's a disgusting store, even from the outside. Frequent Wal-Mart shoppers state how terrible it is inside. I think that's a major concern over a new store: will it be as bad as the current one? |
Blessyouboys
Member
Username: Blessyouboys
Post Number: 294
Registered: 07-2005
Posted From: 69.209.167.39
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 2:12 pm: | |
sorry wazooty,
you'll soon have no wal-marts to carp about, first rule of war is to take out the enemy's suppliers. |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5639
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 208.27.111.125
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 2:29 pm: | |
"First they came for the Wal-marts, and I said nothing because I wasn't tacky..." |
Wazootyman
Member
Username: Wazootyman
Post Number: 13
Registered: 02-2006
Posted From: 68.75.220.9
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 2:34 pm: | |
Just don't take out the new Jimmy Johns they're building by my house, okay? I'm really looking forward to it opening.
I promise you that delicious subs hold no tactical value in your battle. |
Track75
Member
Username: Track75
Post Number: 2237
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 12.75.24.46
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 2:37 pm: | |
Look up, Livonia! If you see these overhead you're in trouble...
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Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5640
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 208.27.111.125
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 2:39 pm: | |
I've heard that the Ruler of Livonia may be hiding out in one of his several tract homes. |
Jams
Member
Username: Jams
Post Number: 2835
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 69.212.124.161
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 2:45 pm: | |
Itsjeff,
I'd follow you my Leader, but I heard the bus service has been eliminated. |
Jt1
Member
Username: Jt1
Post Number: 6902
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 198.208.251.24
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 2:54 pm: | |
Then how can the 'troops' get there? |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5641
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 208.27.111.125
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 2:56 pm: | |
By Jeep, of course. Grand Cherokees and Liberties. |
Jt1
Member
Username: Jt1
Post Number: 6903
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 198.208.251.24
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 2:59 pm: | |
Wazooty - The Jimmy Johns must come down as well. Without proper food the troops will be weakened.
Without enjoyable food the troops will also be demoralized.
Jimmy Johns and Walmart are teo essential strike points in the first wave.
After Livonia is down you can come to one of the 2 downtown Jimmy Johns for a tasty sub. |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5642
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 208.27.111.125
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 3:02 pm: | |
Plans are already being drawn for sacking Laurel Park Place. The Battle of Parisian will be remembered for generations. |
Rberlin
Member
Username: Rberlin
Post Number: 409
Registered: 06-2005
Posted From: 69.208.247.44
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 3:09 pm: | |
Jesus would everyone please stop this stupid city/suburb fighting. We need to join together as a region and as a state if we are ever going to get anything accomplished.
Like taking back Toledo. If Yugoslavia could get along to fight off both the Nazis and the Soviets then surely we can join together to reclaim our territory from an even more evil people. |
Jams
Member
Username: Jams
Post Number: 2837
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 69.212.124.161
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 3:10 pm: | |
Will we make it Walkable? |
Jt1
Member
Username: Jt1
Post Number: 6905
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 198.208.251.24
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 3:23 pm: | |
RB - We are forming the Union of New Detroit. ONce New Detroit consists of SE Michigan we will llook to expand.
Right now we are consolidating into a single union for the betterment of the future residents of New Detroit. |
Hornwrecker
Member
Username: Hornwrecker
Post Number: 881
Registered: 04-2005
Posted From: 63.41.8.247
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 3:25 pm: | |
Don't be taken in with the photo of stealth aircraft, there are none at Coleman A. Young Municipal Airport, and the old F-86s at west end of the runway are long gone.
Detroit will be lucky if they can muster up Lank Tygard with his old Stearman trainer. |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5643
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 208.27.111.125
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 3:35 pm: | |
Pay no attention to Hornwrecker. He is the Livonian Minister of Information and will be hanged as a spy. My friends, plans for the invasion of Livonia continue unabated. |
Blessyouboys
Member
Username: Blessyouboys
Post Number: 295
Registered: 07-2005
Posted From: 69.209.167.39
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 3:35 pm: | |
RB,
I'd be a little more careful, you don't what eyes glance this board. I would consider yourself forewarned.
war is hell--there is no room for sympathies. |
Jams
Member
Username: Jams
Post Number: 2840
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 69.212.124.161
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 3:44 pm: | |
Fearless Leader,
I'd suggest detention camps be set up on Zug Island to house detainees, since we'll not actually declare war, we'll take no prisoners. |
Hornwrecker
Member
Username: Hornwrecker
Post Number: 882
Registered: 04-2005
Posted From: 63.41.8.247
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 3:52 pm: | |
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Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5644
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 208.27.111.125
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 4:08 pm: | |
The enemy is clever. Many of their soldiers have tried to elude detection by wearing leisure suits. But we shall smoke them out. |
Track75
Member
Username: Track75
Post Number: 2238
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 12.75.24.46
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 4:28 pm: | |
"Livonians, watch your mirrors as you scurry down I-96 to your suburban spider holes."
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Arab_guyumich
Member
Username: Arab_guyumich
Post Number: 764
Registered: 12-2004
Posted From: 141.217.98.133
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 4:31 pm: | |
This will be the official uniform of the Detroit Brigades:
 |
Dabirch
Member
Username: Dabirch
Post Number: 1411
Registered: 06-2004
Posted From: 208.44.117.10
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 4:32 pm: | |
With all apologies to The Onion...
------------------------------ -
If I Don't Get My Medium-Rare Shell Steak With Roasted Vegetables In The Next 10 Minutes, The Suburbanites Have Already Won
Waitress, I realize you're very busy and, no doubt, you have a lot on your mind. God knows, everyone does these days. But what this region needs right now is a return to normalcy. We need to work, laugh, and eat the way we did before the Livonia War. That's why it's absolutely vital that I get my medium-rare shell steak with roasted vegetables in the next 10 minutes. Because if I don't, well, then the suburbanites have already won.
These are hard times for all of us. Some days, I can barely bring myself to send back my tuna sandwich for having too much mayo or too little tarragon. Yet to hang my head in defeat and eat a sandwich that fails to meet my personal specifications is exactly what they want us to do. They want us to give up and admit defeat. I don't know how you were raised, but when life deals me a blow, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and demand that the kitchen reheat my lobster bisque. That's the way I am, and I'm not going to let some fundamentalist suburbanite wacko halfway around the county change that.
You have to understand that keeping Detroiters from getting a finely marbled cut of tenderloin, de-boned and seared to perfection, in a timely manner is phase three of the suburbanites' plan. The first was the destruction of our most powerful political and financial symbols. The second was to shake our confidence in our government's ability to protect us. The third is to prevent us from enjoying the high standards of service that customers here at our Chophouses have come to expect.
Don't you realize that by giving me poor service, you're giving poor service to Detroit itself? Until you can learn to get me a decently chilled Pinot Grigio, maybe you should take that "It's a great time in Detroit" pin off your apron. Your entire kitchen staff is making a mockery of everything those XL banners stand for. You should feel ashamed wearing such a pin. You should also comp us free desserts to make up for the long wait.
At this crucial juncture in our region's history, we have to come together as one. Only then do we stand a chance of getting through this. Also, we need a busboy over here ASAP to refill our water. If not, the fine line between quality service and chaos will not only be crossed, but stomped on. Without constant beverage refills, we might as well tear up the constitution and declare this great land of ours a theocratic dictatorship. Surely, the busboy understands the connection between prompt water refills and liberty, doesn't he? Perhaps you can remind him.
Do you want the blood of our forefathers to have been spilled for nothing? Well, if you can't bring us the entrees we need to rebuild our strength as a region in the next five minutes, you might as well move to warren or macomb township and join in one of their "Detroit-bad give me free water and zoo rallies." Because that's what you're really doing.
I understand you got our appetizers to us relatively quickly, but that's only half the battle. Right now, you need to go to the waitress station and ask yourself some difficult questions. Namely, are you part of the problem or part of the solution?
Also, we need some fresh rolls when you get a chance.
The Onion |
Barnesfoto
Member
Username: Barnesfoto
Post Number: 1740
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 66.2.149.76
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 4:37 pm: | |
Dog bless our leader, Gen. It'sjeff, in his unwavering bravery in the face of the tyrannical agents of blandness.
I believe that the citizens of Livonia, once freed from the drabness of their lives will embrace our troops as liberators and greet them with flowers and kisses. The liberation will give livonians many things that they have been denied for years: just two of those things: pedestrian traffic and taquerias. |
Zulu_warrior
Member
Username: Zulu_warrior
Post Number: 2584
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 205.188.116.137
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 4:43 pm: | |
VLF Flash track message
URGENT
2006 6 March
2000 hrs Zulu Time
To: Cmdr. Itsjeff, Detroit Command Authority
From: Cmdr. Zulu Warrior, Special Forces Brigade
Re: Operation Fenkell
Zulu Special Forces have infiltrated Redford and Dearborn Heights, ready to lay seige to the various dollars stores and Kroger's chains.....
We will also knock out the Time Warner Cable dishes on Farmington Road....
Awaiting the final go on Operation Fenkell, Commander Itsjeff |
Jams
Member
Username: Jams
Post Number: 2845
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 69.212.124.161
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 4:59 pm: | |
I guess will have to expect great losses on the cul de sacs as they are unfamiliar to our troops.
Possibly, we can get our agents in first, and put up one-way signs on streets to confuse them. |
Thnk2mch
Member
Username: Thnk2mch
Post Number: 39
Registered: 02-2006
Posted From: 67.38.87.62
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 5:29 pm: | |
Wazootyman, I need your hep!
I need to roll this really big block of cheese out of Costco to block I-96! |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5645
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 68.42.168.211
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 6:54 pm: | |
Roger that, Zulu. Proceed with Operation Livonia Freedom.
The liberation of Livonia has begun! |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5646
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 68.42.168.211
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 7:30 pm: | |
A warning to our Detroit lads:
 |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5647
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 68.42.168.211
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 7:47 pm: | |
A bit more propaganda:
 |
Jams
Member
Username: Jams
Post Number: 2856
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 69.212.124.161
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 7:59 pm: | |
Sorry Itsjeff,
But after checking out the propaganda, I left my WMD's at the bus stop somewhere........umm,err, Sorry Fearless Leader with your permission, I will try to penetrate...err.. infiltrate the enemy. |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5648
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 68.42.168.211
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 8:16 pm: | |
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Zulu_warrior
Member
Username: Zulu_warrior
Post Number: 2586
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 205.188.116.137
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 10:19 pm: | |
Map of Zulu Special Forces planned advance against Livionia militia...... |
Itsjeff
Member
Username: Itsjeff
Post Number: 5649
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 68.42.168.211
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 10:27 pm: | |
Zulu, when we've completed our conquest, you can have your pick of industrial parks. |
Mcdirt
Member
Username: Mcdirt
Post Number: 29
Registered: 04-2005
Posted From: 65.29.98.237
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 10:39 pm: | |
This is the funniest freakin' thread I've ever read here. Needed the laugh.
On a serious note...here in Farmington we've historically allowed Livonians to travel unfettered in and out of our "real downtown" and they've provided aid and comfort to our citizens with the Livonia 20 movieplex. Does this mean we're next? I'd hate to have to take this all the way to our Big Brother, Farmington Hills, and "Hollywood" Bill Dwyer. |
Jt1
Member
Username: Jt1
Post Number: 6912
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 66.19.16.76
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 10:43 pm: | |
McDirt - We are meeting with a team of ambassadors from Farmington. Due to the wise choices of the City to stay in SMART we are taking the stance that we are allies until we are given a reason to believe otherwise.
It is, however, in your best interest to see Livonia for the menace and the enemy. |
Thnk2mch
Member
Username: Thnk2mch
Post Number: 41
Registered: 02-2006
Posted From: 71.65.11.152
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 10:50 pm: | |
Redford, now Farmington, whats next ,Westland?
You'll never get the "ROCK"
Zulu- you will nevermake it up the Rouge River, if that is your plan. |
Eric
Member
Username: Eric
Post Number: 361
Registered: 11-2004
Posted From: 69.136.144.196
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 11:00 pm: | |
Redford may be spared as they declared a for love blacks shopping in their city. No instead we will march on Warren where will make the infidels rue the day they did not construct the fortress |
Lilpup
Member
Username: Lilpup
Post Number: 881
Registered: 06-2004
Posted From: 152.163.100.8
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 11:02 pm: | |
Toledo is currently under sanction for providing support to the aggressors in the form of Jeep Liberties. The Auburn Hills situation is under review as there is some question about the ease with which the aggressors took the Grand Cherokee plant.
Monitors are now stationed in all Wayne plants in an effort to curtail the spread of unrest. |
Alsodave
Member
Username: Alsodave
Post Number: 708
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 69.209.167.203
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 9:22 am: | |
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Hornwrecker
Member
Username: Hornwrecker
Post Number: 888
Registered: 04-2005
Posted From: 63.41.8.132
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 12:53 pm: | |
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Hornwrecker
Member
Username: Hornwrecker
Post Number: 889
Registered: 04-2005
Posted From: 63.41.8.234
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 4:56 pm: | |
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Jt1
Member
Username: Jt1
Post Number: 6921
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 198.208.251.24
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 5:09 pm: | |
Steenburgh has put on some weight since the Fortress Warren picture. |
Detroit_stylin
Member
Username: Detroit_stylin
Post Number: 2533
Registered: 10-2003
Posted From: 66.202.227.12
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 5:31 pm: | |
yall are fuggin nuts man....
LMBAO |
Nip
Member
Username: Nip
Post Number: 61
Registered: 11-2003
Posted From: 68.74.7.156
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 8:22 pm: | |
Ditto |
Hornwrecker
Member
Username: Hornwrecker
Post Number: 890
Registered: 04-2005
Posted From: 63.41.8.109
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 8:32 pm: | |
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Islandman
Member
Username: Islandman
Post Number: 94
Registered: 08-2004
Posted From: 68.42.171.59
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 9:08 pm: | |
Commander Itsjeff,
Operation Pothole has been a major success. We have utilized the Livonian's dreaded "On Star" technology to their detriment.
By using the GPS tracking feature installed on their civilian Hummers, we have reduced every Hummer into a pothole. So far, collateral damage has been minimal; usually $1000 per vehicle.
We await further orders. |
River_rat
Member
Username: River_rat
Post Number: 41
Registered: 02-2006
Posted From: 71.126.174.70
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 9:44 pm: | |
War in the provinces has prompted Birmingham to recall the greatest fighting force the world has ever seen; bring on your Chinooks.... |
Hornwrecker
Member
Username: Hornwrecker
Post Number: 891
Registered: 04-2005
Posted From: 63.41.8.109
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 10:08 pm: | |
Looks like the Livonians are countering with their own brand of propaganda. |
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Are we going to war with Livonia? »
Are we going to war with Livonia? - 1
